Mama’s vision, or lack thereof

1 Aug

I am a very visual person. I use my eyes a lot to read, create, take photographs, enjoy looking at David and Walt, use the computer, and to watch movies. I love looking at new scenery when I travel. And yet I’ve spent most of my life struggling with my vision.

When I was in third grade I started having trouble seeing the blackboard at school. I was actually excited about it cause I read these books where this girl had to wear glasses and I thought it would be cool to be like her. What a mistake, because my vision only got worse and worse and worse. Around sixth grade I started wearing contacts. That took some getting used to. I was legally blind without any corrective lenses. I’d have trouble finding my glasses on my nightstand if I didn’t remember exactly where I left them before I went to bed. I had to pay extra for special lenses on my glasses so that they wouldn’t be an inch thick (and they were still bigger than most anyway). By college I’d purposefully forget to remove my contacts at night for a month even though I didn’t have the leave-in types.

Then one year my father gave me Lasik as a Christmas present. It was a miracle. Only 5 minutes of ridiculously scary surgery, a day of keeping my eyes closed, and I could see again. Without glasses. Without contacts. I did have to wear glasses when I drove at night (or in movie theaters/concerts/classrooms/etc.) but 95% of the time I thanked my lucky stars that this had been invented. It was a life transforming joy not to worry about my vision any more.

Turns out it only lasted about 7 years for me. Two years ago I had a little bit of blurry vision. I went to go get my eyes checked and my doctor told me my vision hadn’t changed, but my I had astigmatism that meant if I concentrated on a computer or reading up close too much I’d have blurry vision when I looked away. It wasn’t really that bad though. I rarely wore my glasses for it.

Until a month ago. All of a sudden, basically in one day, I now have blurry vision all the time. I have to wear glasses to see. Not just to drive at night but to see my child across his nursery. It makes me very sad and a little scared too. What if it keeps getting worse?  And because I usually wore glasses before bed and in the morning growing up, when I wear glasses all day it reminds me of being unmade and unready, like if I were to always leave the bed looking slept in. Even if I wanted to wear contacts, which I really don’t, only glasses are good at fixing astigmatism.

So. I guess that’s that, unfortunately, unless another round of Lasik is in my future. One can only hope.

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