Parenting with Love and Logic

27 Feb

Yesterday Dave went to our parenting class by himself because I got in a huge, albeit brief, fight with my mother that morning, who was supposed to babysit for us. It was going to be the last session of a six-week course, but the instructor added on another one next week because we were going too slowly to finish the workbook in time. And I suppose because she liked us too!

The course is pretty much instructing us how to be calm, loving, and funny people in the 21st century. And then how to raise our kids with empathy and responsibility. One of the biggest lessons I’m learning is to not own someone else’s problems, or even their worry. For example, if I am worrying about something my husband needs to do, then he doesn’t have to worry, and then nothing will get accomplished. Except happy moments shed from my advancing years. If I solve all of Walter’s problems, then he will never learn how to do it for himself. Worse yet, I will be telling him with my actions that I don’t think he’s able to!

The idea that I think I will have the hardest time implementing is the basic tenet of the whole premise of Loving and Logic-ing: responding first with empathy. Not anger. Never anger. At least never expressing that anger. Anger is natural, but we must fight against our tendencies to lash out. It is OK to take a moment away from the situation if you are mad. People have memories longer than mice do.

I’d like to say that I’m already a better person because of this class, but so far I just feel called out. I certainly see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is illuminating the dirt and grime in my life. Most of which comes from my own BS.

Parenting with Love and Logic was invented and institutionalized by the Fays, a father and son team. They actually invented the term “helicopter parenting” in the ’70s. Their videos often remind me of stand up comedy routines, interspersed with complete and utter wisdom. Our instructor — or their ambassador, if you will — is a shining example of their ideas. I feel calmer just being around her. And chatting and laughing with the other parents has been wonderful and enlightening. I could meet with this group every week for the rest of the time I’m in Atlanta!

playground
He is such a great kid to be around. I always want to do right by him.

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2 Responses to “Parenting with Love and Logic”

  1. Sarah March 2, 2015 at 1:53 pm #

    That sounds like such a great course! I’ve been trying to read everything I can get my hands on about positive parenting techniques, and those also rely on empathy and empowering your kids to make age-appropriate decisions. (While obviously still setting boundaries and parameters so they don’t feel the world is on their shoulders!) It’s really interesting to see what’s out there.

    • mamajohnston March 2, 2015 at 2:00 pm #

      Yeah I was really glad the course has turned out to be so helpful. It’s very much about boundaries too, and how kids crave limits. It makes them feel safe and loved. I’m glad you’re starting early like we did!

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