Archive | February, 2019

Coincidences?

18 Feb

This morning Walter taught me the sign for “I love you,” which he had just learned from one of the Magic Tree House books he was reading.

It looks like this:

I love you

I thought it looked like some kind of rocker hand signal, but alas, he was convinced, so I believed him, and he had fun both saying and “saying,” “I love you” to me all morning.

This afternoon we drove to Publix to get some shopping done (which now that I am a mom of two is less of a “chore” and more of an “event,” amiright? ha), and low and behold, our cashier had a tattoo on the inside of her arm near her elbow that was a hand signing “I love you”. I told her that I had never seen that sign before today (or if I had I did not remember), and that now I had gotten this second reminder of it in one day. She said, “Isn’t it cool the way the universe works?”

Universe (God), thank you for your constant reminders that there is love in this world and that I am loved. I am definitely in a season of my life where I need that external reassurance. And friend, if you are reading this, you too are loved. I promise, and the signs are there as often as you can notice them!

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Dreams of a Gift

8 Feb

I have dreams… so many dreams lately. Every night I am exhausted by my subconscious.

One dream in particular has stuck with me. In it, I have just given birth to my third baby boy, whom we name Donatello (though in my dream I debate between Donatello and Donitello). We call him Donny. An old friend comes to pick me up from the hospital, but instead of taking me home in her car, she has brought a horse and buggy for me to drive.

We are, at the time, back in Atlanta, and I think to myself, “There is no way I’m going to get home fast in this thing!” (We actually have seen someone driving a horse-drawn cart in Asheville recently — in real life!) So, I drive the horse as fast as I can onto the on-ramp on the highway, and I crash the horse in the process. I know my friend’s wife will be very upset with me, but I say to her, “No worries, I can undo this so it never happened!” (We recently read Philip K. Dick’s Ubik for one of our book clubs, and parts of his sci-fi, psi, anti-psi, inertial, pre-cog world have entered into my dreams, which has been kinda fun.)

Once I un-kill the horse, from then on I am forced to go slowly and apparently have to drive by every home I lived in in Atlanta. I am so worried about finding them, passing them, and getting home to my new baby. I worry because as the hours pass, I know he needs to eat. There was lots more to this dream, but it was dreamed a couple weeks ago, so all that is mostly a feeling now, rather than clear memory.

Eventually I wake myself up, in the middle of the night, after four hours of driving around.

When I fall back asleep, the dream continues. I am, finally, at home with my new baby. Because I have just organized the boys’ closet à la Marie Kondo, the newborn clothes are on the bottom of the stack of boxes, tucked in the corner. I know I will make enough noise to wake up Walter to get to them, and we all know the rule about waking a sleeping child — try not to do it!

I get the baby half undressed, with his diaper open, before I realize I need to leave to go buy more diapers. It is just a short drive to the store (luckily I have a car this time), but on the return trip home I take the highway and get stuck in Atlanta traffic. I am despairing, because I left the baby on the bed, undressed, undiapered, and every second is counting here. I drive faster and faster and quickly get pulled over by a police officer whose ticket is not asking for money nor is it a reprimand, but it is telling me something about myself (another Ubik reference). Oh how I wish I could remember what was written on that ticket!

That is when I wake up, again, and it is morning.

The next day, as I talk to Dave about this dream, I remark how strange it is that we used the name Donatello. I am not a big art fan, nor a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan, nor have I probably even thought of that name in 20 years. So I look it up, and the name is Italian for gift from God.

Gift from God!!!?!

It really shocked — or really, wowed — me to see that. I felt immediately like He was speaking to me. Since I had a miscarriage last year, and I’d really like to have another child, I’d like to hope it means He was talking to me and telling me that yes, I will have another gift from Him in the form of a baby. But, the other interpretation I’ve come up with sounds pretty good too. That in the midst of the anxiety and stress and complications of life, the superficial messes we create for ourselves, there is a precious nugget of goodness we can find, we can attach ourselves to, and that is God. He will be the Calm in the storm of life; He will be the Goal we are trying to attain. Look for Him, without ceasing, because He is what matters amid all the chaos of life.

My newfound faith is in its newborn stages, a delightful blooming of understanding and looking at the world a new way. I may get thrown off course, but if I keep my path headed toward Him, all His gifts will come my way.