Tag Archives: dreams

Dreams of a Gift

8 Feb

I have dreams… so many dreams lately. Every night I am exhausted by my subconscious.

One dream in particular has stuck with me. In it, I have just given birth to my third baby boy, whom we name Donatello (though in my dream I debate between Donatello and Donitello). We call him Donny. An old friend comes to pick me up from the hospital, but instead of taking me home in her car, she has brought a horse and buggy for me to drive.

We are, at the time, back in Atlanta, and I think to myself, “There is no way I’m going to get home fast in this thing!” (We actually have seen someone driving a horse-drawn cart in Asheville recently — in real life!) So, I drive the horse as fast as I can onto the on-ramp on the highway, and I crash the horse in the process. I know my friend’s wife will be very upset with me, but I say to her, “No worries, I can undo this so it never happened!” (We recently read Philip K. Dick’s Ubik for one of our book clubs, and parts of his sci-fi, psi, anti-psi, inertial, pre-cog world have entered into my dreams, which has been kinda fun.)

Once I un-kill the horse, from then on I am forced to go slowly and apparently have to drive by every home I lived in in Atlanta. I am so worried about finding them, passing them, and getting home to my new baby. I worry because as the hours pass, I know he needs to eat. There was lots more to this dream, but it was dreamed a couple weeks ago, so all that is mostly a feeling now, rather than clear memory.

Eventually I wake myself up, in the middle of the night, after four hours of driving around.

When I fall back asleep, the dream continues. I am, finally, at home with my new baby. Because I have just organized the boys’ closet à la Marie Kondo, the newborn clothes are on the bottom of the stack of boxes, tucked in the corner. I know I will make enough noise to wake up Walter to get to them, and we all know the rule about waking a sleeping child — try not to do it!

I get the baby half undressed, with his diaper open, before I realize I need to leave to go buy more diapers. It is just a short drive to the store (luckily I have a car this time), but on the return trip home I take the highway and get stuck in Atlanta traffic. I am despairing, because I left the baby on the bed, undressed, undiapered, and every second is counting here. I drive faster and faster and quickly get pulled over by a police officer whose ticket is not asking for money nor is it a reprimand, but it is telling me something about myself (another Ubik reference). Oh how I wish I could remember what was written on that ticket!

That is when I wake up, again, and it is morning.

The next day, as I talk to Dave about this dream, I remark how strange it is that we used the name Donatello. I am not a big art fan, nor a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan, nor have I probably even thought of that name in 20 years. So I look it up, and the name is Italian for gift from God.

Gift from God!!!?!

It really shocked — or really, wowed — me to see that. I felt immediately like He was speaking to me. Since I had a miscarriage last year, and I’d really like to have another child, I’d like to hope it means He was talking to me and telling me that yes, I will have another gift from Him in the form of a baby. But, the other interpretation I’ve come up with sounds pretty good too. That in the midst of the anxiety and stress and complications of life, the superficial messes we create for ourselves, there is a precious nugget of goodness we can find, we can attach ourselves to, and that is God. He will be the Calm in the storm of life; He will be the Goal we are trying to attain. Look for Him, without ceasing, because He is what matters amid all the chaos of life.

My newfound faith is in its newborn stages, a delightful blooming of understanding and looking at the world a new way. I may get thrown off course, but if I keep my path headed toward Him, all His gifts will come my way.


Stress Dreams

18 Mar



My body has been telling me that I am stressed out. I didn’t think I was, but I went to the dentist recently, thinking I had my first cavity in about a decade, or possibly more, as several of my teeth were hurting. My dear dentist tried very hard to find a cavity but concluded that my teeth couldn’t look better (thank goodness). He then used a device to make them very cold (which was a super fun sensation), and determined that my nerves were upset, probably from stress, extra grinding, and lack of sleep due to the new baby. My bite has always been an issue because of my TMJ problems, so he adjusted one tooth and sent me on my way. I had to agree with him, thinking about how my jaw has been hurting more than normal, causing me to wear my nightly retainer occasionally during the day.

I was under the impression that I was getting great sleep. After the first couple mind-numbing weeks of trying to sleep while holding a baby (because sweet Rex wouldn’t sleep if he was put down), we have been slowly figuring out a system. This system evolved to what we do today, which is swaddle him tight and put him down around 11pm. He sleeps about 5-6 hours, I feed him once, put him back down, and he sleeps for another 4-5 hours. This is what I would call “winning”. But as both he and my husband can be somewhat noisy sleepers, and I am a light sleeper, and the baby is still in our room, I have taken to finishing out the night on our deliciously soft guest bed in the purple room, guaranteeing me a couple more hours in the wonderful land of nod.

However, and I’m not sure exactly why, but every night (well, really morning) for the last week, I have had intensely vivid stress dreams. Maybe because of the shortness and intensity of the sleep?

  1. I was trying to call 911 because a girl was choking. A firefighter was helping her, but 911 thought I was making a prank call, so they hung up on me. The girl died and the firefighter threw her roughly onto the floor. After a moment she got up again (but was still dead) and chased me around the room.
  2. I was at my childhood home hosting book club. I was trying to cook something and I couldn’t control the flames on the gas stove, so they rose too high and burned the cabinets. A small panda was apparently on top of the cabinets, getting burned as well. I handed him to a friend and his singed hair came off in clumps as I tried to clean him up.
  3. I was hosting my birthday party at a new house I purchased with an awesome basement. My realtor was there and he built a human sized sling shot which he wanted to use to catapult the baby across the room. Everyone was drunk and I was mostly sober, and when I went to the fridge to grab a beer, mine were gone, having been drunk by other people.
  4. I was at a hotel, smoked some wacky tobacky in the gardens, and then attempting to get back inside I realized I was in charge of the baby, had to pass by my in-laws to get to the baby, and some lady stopped me to tell me how strongly I smelled of the illegal substance.
  5. Walter had his first soccer match. Instead of attending, Dave and I dropped him off and went out to dinner (maybe book club) with our friends. We got the timing wrong, and I realized not only had we missed his entire match, but we were ten minutes late to go pick him up. Dave argued with me, saying we had more time to go get him, but I left anyway and tried running there, which I was having a hard time doing and at one point my wedding ring caught on something in my hurry and part of it ripped off. When I realized it was too far away to get there by foot, I tried calling an Uber, but I couldn’t use my phone correctly or get my credit card number entered or sign up again or all the things I needed to do to get to my son.
  6. I was trying to find my new coat to leave a very large school (everyone else had their coats but someone told me mine had been destroyed), and I realized I was dreaming. Once I realized I was dreaming, people started looking very crazy and I wanted to wake up, but I couldn’t figure out how to wake up. I realized if I could find my way out of the school into the parking lot, I might wake up in real life too — and that’s exactly what happened!
  7. I was in class and knew I had to take three different tests. Afterwards I was supposed to go directly to the symphony, but I realized I had worn my pajamas to class and milk was leaking all over my shirt. I didn’t have my car with me, so I figured I could Uber back home and make it back in town just in time to make it to the symphony. I tried to get the baby in the car seat, but the car seat was flopping around and I couldn’t figure it out. So I found another car seat that worked, but this time when I looked down the baby didn’t have any arms. Bypassing that issue, I wondered whether I should grab Walter from his class to take him home with me, but I couldn’t find the Kindergarten classroom, and none of the teachers I asked in the hallway could tell me where it was either.

I think maybe I need to take a Xanax before going back to bed.

The six month mark

19 Feb

My dream last night:

I was riding on a train in Paris to get to the airport to come home. It was crowded and somehow David wasn’t on the train with me and Walt, but he did get on partway there. I started playing bridge with an older lesbian couple and their son, who was trying to teach me the rules. I was paying so much attention than when I looked up, the train was empty including David, who had gotten off at the correct stop for our particular flight home. I asked the attendants if I could hop on another train to get back to my stop, and they told me there was only one train going one way, so I’d have to go the entire route again if I wanted to get to my stop. I started freaking out and telling them that I needed to catch the noon flight home; I already had my ticket! My husband was boarding that plane! They said, how are you still on this train, it’s already 2pm in the afternoon!

I searched through my bags to find my cell phone to send a text to David to wait for me. I began pulling out phone after phone, none of which was mine. I would grab a phone that looked like mine but then was another brand. When I finally got to my phone I kept messing up typing in the words. Before I could get a text message written (I frequently have trouble texting and taking pictures in dreams), Dave got back on the train. I flew over to him and hugged him and said, how did you know? And he told me he wouldn’t have gotten on the plane without me.

I woke up, not really in a panic because that wasn’t a nightmare, but I turned over and hugged the real David before falling back asleep.

Baby has let us get some normal sleep again. Oh, the joys of regular sleep! I am consistently getting 6-8 hours in a row of delicious, amazing shut eye. It started when we decided to put him down to sleep later in the evening. I’m not really sure what prompted the change, but somehow it has really worked out to put him to bed between 7 and 9pm, rather than 5:30-6:30. We sometimes take a late afternoon nap in order to make this possible. But this makes things really flexible around here.

For instance, we are able to go out to eat again. That is nice because we have both sets of grandparents in town and now they don’t always have to come over to eat dinner at our house. So far we’ve gone to Jalisco’s, Johnny’s Pizza, and Holy Taco. Walt isn’t ready for Bones yet, but since we love going to family places anyway, it works for us. I feel like this is prep for all the vacations we’re taking this year. It’s good to know that Walt can manage something besides a rigid routine.

I feel like I’m finally getting in the parenting groove here. Sleep, venturing out of the house… what more can you want out of life?

Also, we are using cloth diapers! The very wonderful owner of Green Mountain Diapers sent me a lengthy response to my cloth diaper query, and I believe from her suggestions that Walt was having sensitivities to the high pH levels of Charlie’s Soap. A little bit of vinegar in the washing machine and problem solved! He can’t be in them all day every day, but I’m just so happy about using cloth it doesn’t matter.

I’d say everything is working out perfectly around here, but on the way home from dinner last night three black cats ran in front of our car within a mile of each other. We were wary of crossing intersections by the time we saw the third one. Was the world sending us an ominous message? I’ll be watching out, world.

Johnny's Pizza
Taking over the world one pizza joint at a time.

What will your destiny be today?

7 Feb

I started off my morning by having a dream that I was on an elevator so packed with people we thought it wouldn’t be able to move but faster and higher we went until we flew around the house and through the attic door while I thought “and here awaits our destiny.” Then someone died after being thrown out the window (the elevator was moving too quickly) and Dave became friends with a zombie woman I didn’t like. I could have just left it at the scary elevator ride.

It was a beautiful day today so Walt and I went to the park after his afternoon nap. We walked around and then we went to the playground so he could watch all the other little kids play (I can’t wait til he’s old enough to walk around!). Every time I go there it is filled with children and their parents. There is even a stroller parking lot.

Stroller Parking lot

We stayed a while to enjoy the 60 degree weather and sunshine and then started back to our car. I was walking ahead of a crying child, and the further we got the more I wondered, Why couldn’t the parents or mom quiet this little kid? I didn’t want to look at them because I thought it would be rude to stare at the unruly family but at some point I stopped to let them pass so I could enjoy the rest of my walk with Walt without the crying following us. Much to my surprise I saw a mom holding a fairly sizable child and he and his sister were covered in blood. They were accompanied by another mom and her kids. Whoops. I offered some assistance but they had it somewhat under control. The kid had fallen on his chin and I think the blood was the result of a rather superficial wound, the child looked like he was crying more for show than true anguish, but the mom was definitely still freaking out. The other mom told me head wounds bleed like that as she walked back to the park with her children. I guess I should get used to that. Dave’s parents keep warning me about what kind of headstrong child their son and I most likely produced.

But right now he’s so cuddly it’s hard to imagine what he’ll be like.


He’s so interested in the world. I love watching him watch everything going on around him (like how he loves petting the cat now). I’d like to get some memberships to the places around Atlanta (the Zoo, the High Museum, the Botanical Gardens, etc.) so even though he’s not one year old yet we’ll both be entertained by the sights and sounds of these places. Atlanta has a lot of stuff to offer that I don’t usually take advantage of, unfortunately.

There is a new Draft Filling Station on the way home from Dave’s work. Cool concept; you buy reusable jugs and then fill them up with draft beer. They have a large, unique selection — uh oh! They’re thinking about doing wine on tap too! So far it’s turned our drying grass into a multi-functional tool for both Daddy’s and Baby’s bottles:


So many possibilities await us.