Tag Archives: Parenting the Love and Logic Way

Parenting with Love and Logic

27 Feb

Yesterday Dave went to our parenting class by himself because I got in a huge, albeit brief, fight with my mother that morning, who was supposed to babysit for us. It was going to be the last session of a six-week course, but the instructor added on another one next week because we were going too slowly to finish the workbook in time. And I suppose because she liked us too!

The course is pretty much instructing us how to be calm, loving, and funny people in the 21st century. And then how to raise our kids with empathy and responsibility. One of the biggest lessons I’m learning is to not own someone else’s problems, or even their worry. For example, if I am worrying about something my husband needs to do, then he doesn’t have to worry, and then nothing will get accomplished. Except happy moments shed from my advancing years. If I solve all of Walter’s problems, then he will never learn how to do it for himself. Worse yet, I will be telling him with my actions that I don’t think he’s able to!

The idea that I think I will have the hardest time implementing is the basic tenet of the whole premise of Loving and Logic-ing: responding first with empathy. Not anger. Never anger. At least never expressing that anger. Anger is natural, but we must fight against our tendencies to lash out. It is OK to take a moment away from the situation if you are mad. People have memories longer than mice do.

I’d like to say that I’m already a better person because of this class, but so far I just feel called out. I certainly see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is illuminating the dirt and grime in my life. Most of which comes from my own BS.

Parenting with Love and Logic was invented and institutionalized by the Fays, a father and son team. They actually invented the term “helicopter parenting” in the ’70s. Their videos often remind me of stand up comedy routines, interspersed with complete and utter wisdom. Our instructor — or their ambassador, if you will — is a shining example of their ideas. I feel calmer just being around her. And chatting and laughing with the other parents has been wonderful and enlightening. I could meet with this group every week for the rest of the time I’m in Atlanta!

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He is such a great kid to be around. I always want to do right by him.

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Benjamin Franklin and I have a bath date

3 Feb

It’s a rare moment of calm in the house. The house is exceptionally clean since we just had another showing. My mom took Walter with her after a delicious lunch at Stone Soup Kitchen, since he was singing “Mimi’s house Mimi’s house Mimi’s house” all morning and destroying anything I had just cleaned. The dog is sufficiently walked. The cat is sleeping and not meowing. I have a cup of hot raspberry leaf tea, the Hozier album is playing, and I’m contemplating relaxing in a tub with Isaacson’s Benjamin Franklin. What an amazing person. Reading that book is opening my mind, and I’m so excited to learn more. Because of this book I’ve already put several more books on my Amazon wish list and a few free ones on my phone’s Kindle.

I just bought a St. Joseph statue off Amazon. Comes with a pre-packaged prayer, which I’m interested in reading. I asked my realtor to look into the tradition, and he sent me back a link about novenas. This is getting serious! I’m glad at least that we have a good relationship with our current realtor, both in buying our new house and selling this one. He’s the only one so far that has been able to work with me, to put it bluntly! But the statue is a good, fun break in the monotony and work that is involved in selling this house.

At a party recently a friend told me about how he and his wife sold their townhome in 8 days, and to be honest it made me incredibly jealous. Another friend said it took them a year, but they were able to move out anyway due to job opportunities that took them to another state. That still sounds like a better situation than living in constant readiness of a showing with a toddler, a dog who sheds like a maniac, and a cat who walks all over the counters devil-may-care. I’m managing to stay calm without too many breakdowns, but this morning I was ready to hail an Uber to send Walt to Nini’s.

Dave and I are taking a six week parenting class entitled Parenting the Love and Logic Way, and so far we’ve learned how to diffuse the situation for arguing and begging kids. That was great advice, but I need something to use on someone who isn’t logical yet. Smart as hell, but also quite emotional, demanding, adventurous, and charming. What a great kid!

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He’s getting really tall already.

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She plays with this thing almost as much as Walter… and usually while he’s sleeping. It isn’t quiet.

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Wait, who’s the baby?

I should just go take a yoga class and remember to live in the moment. Because if I’m not mistaken, I’ve got it really, really lucky. Lots of love, laughter, shelter, food, and warmth in this life!